capeandcowl2020 | Open Post 002

I've had worse. [most of said worse coming after she'd been left alone, but that wasn't anything Kanaya needed to know about] It's not like I couldn't take care of myself, so it really wasn't too horrible. I wouldn't want anyone risking themselves just fur me.

[ kanaya wouldn't have minded risking herself, not back then. these days she regrets that she can't risk herself as much, but there's too much riding on her being intact. ]

I could have brought you with me, if I had only tried.

[ though how she would've have made her path work with a troll who couldn't turn human is a question she doesn't have an answer to, one she doesn't even want to ask. being able to disguise herself has been crucial to her survival since then, keeping her emotions in better check so she doesn't change at an inopportune time was a lesson she learned quickly after. ]

[Nepeta tilts her head a little, looking at Kanaya through half-lidded eyes for a moment. guilt wasn't something that dissipated over time, it seemed. she stands in one fluid motion and pads into the kitchen to stand next to Kanaya, her presence meant to reaffirm that she's here now and that there was no need to feel any agony over decisions left unmade]

Maybe. But it's in the past now, so it doesn't really matter. We found each other again no matter what choices we made before.

[she takes a deep sniff of the cooking fish and grins]

And we're going to have a purrfect dinner to celebrate it! I'm excited.

[ now that she's come in range, there'll be no escape. kanaya wraps an arm around her, leaning down slightly to tuck her against her side. her lips are drawn tight, and her expression ambiguous, like she's trying to smile but it doesn't quite work.

nepeta is kind, she always has been. possibly too kind, or at least more than kanaya's ever deserved. it's nice that she bore no grudge, but that doesn't necessarily change the fact that she should've have tried harder. even as pointless as it was to think about the bad old days. ]

Well, you will at least. You know none of this will really do me much good like this.

[ she'll have a glass of wine, at least. the color's always nice and nostalgic, though it hardly tastes the same without the blood. it hardly tastes like anything at all, really. ]

[Nepeta is a physical girl, thriving off affectionate gestures and being close to the people she loves. these past years have robbed her of that luxury, something she's never felt as keenly as now when that privilege is given to her again. she snuggles into the embrace, eyes closed briefly as she just soaks everything in.]

Purrhaps not the food, but I'm purretty sure we can both apurreciate the company.

[lord knows that Nepeta could. meals were always a little lonely when eaten by herself]

[ kanaya continues looking ahead at her skillet, flipping over the fish, then putting her spatula off to the side to quickly wipe at her eyes. she's been lonely for a very long time, around so many people she can't entirely trust. she spends so much time being someone else that she's afraid she's losing grasp on who she really is. having the chance to be herself now, she almost doesn't know what to do. ]

I can't pretend I did any of this without that ulterior motive. Just...something to delay your departure.

You could have always just asked, you know. I spent so long waiting for you that just running off now would be pretty stupid. [her eyes crinkle in amusement, although for all her efforts a bit of melancholy seeps in] As if I'd even wanted to.

I can never really be sure of what anyone else wants anymore, it's been too long. [ the rice has started boiling now, so she reaches over to turn it down to simmer. ] I don't really even know what I want anymore.

Then I'll be doubly sure that you get enough time to figure it out again. [she's not really sure how to do that, but Nepeta has never really (probably never will) be particularly concerned with the how of things. if something desperately needs to be done, she'd find a way. it was always too important not to]

[ kanaya just shakes her head. ]

There are more important things now. Maybe sometime after this is all over, once we've put this current regime to rest, then I begin to think on such matters.

What you want is always important, no matter what's happening. But I guess taking out all this stupid government stuff is a pretty big part of whatever it is you do want.

Precisely. And that will be enough for now. We can't let our priorities become mangled by a lack of focus.

Yeah. Just - [she hesitates, then forges on] don't forget that there are other things for you, ok? I don't want this to eat you alive too.

[ she could make a comment about "alive", or call into question just what other things there are anymore, but she doesn't. that won't put nepeta at ease, and after the first time seeing an old friend in years, it's ease she needs most. much better for her that she lies instead. ]

I won't.

Good. [Nepeta has never really been certain that she can take such promises from Kanaya at face value (she works herself too hard) and the time spent by herself only makes it more difficult to accept. but this is a friend, a good friend, and she trusts her. even in it isn't the whole truth, she can work from here.

so she relaxes ever so slightly and her smile brightens up, moving on from the melancholy to something a little more palatable.]

So is that fish almost done yet? I'm starving!

[ kanaya looks up from miles away to see the fish gently sizzling. she prods it a bit before nodding at nepeta and turning off the burner. ]

The rice isn't quite there yet, so you'll have to wait just a minute.

[ of course, that's when the kettle decides to whine, as well. ]

Awww. I've nefur been good at waiting. [as evidence by the way her fingers creep into the pan while Kanaya is tending to the kettle to break off a chunk of that delicious delicious fish.

years spent living without utensils, can't be tamed]

[ of course, before she knows it, kanaya's hand is on her wrist, fast as it's ever been. she might have smacked it if this were a more regular thing, but the length of years was between them, it wouldn't seem appropriate. ]

Nepeta, please! Mind you manners.

[she makes a soft dismayed noise, frowning petulantly at Kanaya]

Oh, come on. It's just us here! And it's not like I was going to take all of it.

[ kanaya closes her eyes and holds up a finger, as if she's relaying something profound. ]

A meal is like a setpiece, it must be composed in a manner that each component complements the other. To try one without the other is getting only half of the intended experience.

[her mouth twists up in a manner that indicates she's really not buying any of this]

I don't know, I think that food being in my mouth is the most purrfect complement it could pawsibly have.

It's about completing a palette, Nepeta. A painting isn't complete with only one color.

It sounds like you've nefur seen a really good painting with one color.

That, and I'm reasonably certain that they don't exist to begin with.

I used to do tons of them! They were all purrfect.

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