capeandcowl2020 | Open Post 002

Do you have any purrl grey?

[oh man that looks so good. Nepeta hasn't had a real meal since the last big town hall held by a politician that had come with a free buffet]

And I know I'm not supposed to be there, but that's why I go. Somebody needs to help them talk about diffurent purrspectives.

[ she takes out a box and prepares an infuser, covering the rice and seasoning the fish. it's gonna be a good one. ]

They don't want to hear differing perspectives. They're likely to try capturing you if they see you. ...Or worse.

I see this sort of thing all the time, Nepeta.

I know. That's why I have to go - someone needs to make them think diffurently, so it might as well be someone who can take care of herself.

[altering some people's feelings usually results in fights, but it's ok. conflict means discussion, even if it's not immediate.]

With your powers, you mean.

[ it makes a sort of sense. kanaya is using her own powers to assist the resistance, after all. nepeta's would take need something a little hands on. ]

Have you thought about becoming involved? I mean, in a more official capacity? It wouldn't hurt to have some support.

Sometimes. But I never knew who to go to, and I don't like to stay out too long in the daytime.

[she pulls her knees up to her chest, frowning thoughtfully] And they might move me to somewhere that everyone else couldn't find me if they came back.

[ at a movement like that, kanaya regrets that she's on the other side of the room, with a skillet full of sizzling oil and fish that she can't turn away from for long. she gives nepeta a look of guilt, loneliness, sorrow. it's hard to really place beyond general misery. ]

You know me.

Edited 2013-03-24 18:59 (UTC)

I do now. [she tilts her head a little to look over at Kanaya, a smile creeping in to replace the melancholy look of before] But I'm still not sure if it's the right sort of place for me.

We can find a way to work with the place you're in now. You shouldn't have to do any of this alone.

[ or, what the guilt really wants her to say: ] Now that I've found you, I'm not about to let you be abandoned again.

You guys didn't abandon me, we all just got sepurrated fur a while! [she's gently emphatic about this, voice ringing with sincerity] I always knew that you'd come back if I waited long enough. There really wasn't any other way it could turn out!

I should have helped you ensure your own well-being. [ but once the jammers went live, nothing felt right, like she'd had an entire sense cut off. she might have panicked more than a little. ] It can't have been an easy time for you.

I've had worse. [most of said worse coming after she'd been left alone, but that wasn't anything Kanaya needed to know about] It's not like I couldn't take care of myself, so it really wasn't too horrible. I wouldn't want anyone risking themselves just fur me.

[ kanaya wouldn't have minded risking herself, not back then. these days she regrets that she can't risk herself as much, but there's too much riding on her being intact. ]

I could have brought you with me, if I had only tried.

[ though how she would've have made her path work with a troll who couldn't turn human is a question she doesn't have an answer to, one she doesn't even want to ask. being able to disguise herself has been crucial to her survival since then, keeping her emotions in better check so she doesn't change at an inopportune time was a lesson she learned quickly after. ]

[Nepeta tilts her head a little, looking at Kanaya through half-lidded eyes for a moment. guilt wasn't something that dissipated over time, it seemed. she stands in one fluid motion and pads into the kitchen to stand next to Kanaya, her presence meant to reaffirm that she's here now and that there was no need to feel any agony over decisions left unmade]

Maybe. But it's in the past now, so it doesn't really matter. We found each other again no matter what choices we made before.

[she takes a deep sniff of the cooking fish and grins]

And we're going to have a purrfect dinner to celebrate it! I'm excited.

[ now that she's come in range, there'll be no escape. kanaya wraps an arm around her, leaning down slightly to tuck her against her side. her lips are drawn tight, and her expression ambiguous, like she's trying to smile but it doesn't quite work.

nepeta is kind, she always has been. possibly too kind, or at least more than kanaya's ever deserved. it's nice that she bore no grudge, but that doesn't necessarily change the fact that she should've have tried harder. even as pointless as it was to think about the bad old days. ]

Well, you will at least. You know none of this will really do me much good like this.

[ she'll have a glass of wine, at least. the color's always nice and nostalgic, though it hardly tastes the same without the blood. it hardly tastes like anything at all, really. ]

[Nepeta is a physical girl, thriving off affectionate gestures and being close to the people she loves. these past years have robbed her of that luxury, something she's never felt as keenly as now when that privilege is given to her again. she snuggles into the embrace, eyes closed briefly as she just soaks everything in.]

Purrhaps not the food, but I'm purretty sure we can both apurreciate the company.

[lord knows that Nepeta could. meals were always a little lonely when eaten by herself]

[ kanaya continues looking ahead at her skillet, flipping over the fish, then putting her spatula off to the side to quickly wipe at her eyes. she's been lonely for a very long time, around so many people she can't entirely trust. she spends so much time being someone else that she's afraid she's losing grasp on who she really is. having the chance to be herself now, she almost doesn't know what to do. ]

I can't pretend I did any of this without that ulterior motive. Just...something to delay your departure.

You could have always just asked, you know. I spent so long waiting for you that just running off now would be pretty stupid. [her eyes crinkle in amusement, although for all her efforts a bit of melancholy seeps in] As if I'd even wanted to.

I can never really be sure of what anyone else wants anymore, it's been too long. [ the rice has started boiling now, so she reaches over to turn it down to simmer. ] I don't really even know what I want anymore.

Then I'll be doubly sure that you get enough time to figure it out again. [she's not really sure how to do that, but Nepeta has never really (probably never will) be particularly concerned with the how of things. if something desperately needs to be done, she'd find a way. it was always too important not to]

[ kanaya just shakes her head. ]

There are more important things now. Maybe sometime after this is all over, once we've put this current regime to rest, then I begin to think on such matters.

What you want is always important, no matter what's happening. But I guess taking out all this stupid government stuff is a pretty big part of whatever it is you do want.

Precisely. And that will be enough for now. We can't let our priorities become mangled by a lack of focus.

Yeah. Just - [she hesitates, then forges on] don't forget that there are other things for you, ok? I don't want this to eat you alive too.

[ she could make a comment about "alive", or call into question just what other things there are anymore, but she doesn't. that won't put nepeta at ease, and after the first time seeing an old friend in years, it's ease she needs most. much better for her that she lies instead. ]

I won't.

Good. [Nepeta has never really been certain that she can take such promises from Kanaya at face value (she works herself too hard) and the time spent by herself only makes it more difficult to accept. but this is a friend, a good friend, and she trusts her. even in it isn't the whole truth, she can work from here.

so she relaxes ever so slightly and her smile brightens up, moving on from the melancholy to something a little more palatable.]

So is that fish almost done yet? I'm starving!

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